planet crap

The long Lent weekend posed an extremely critical reality for humanity: the only food source there is on the streets are fast food chains that are conveniently located in churches.

Maundy Thursday signaled the malls, restaurants, and other commercial establishments to have a few days off. The city breathed like a ghost town with little to no public transportation in highways and streets.

And then it’s time for mere mortals to shove something edible down their throats, the only beacons of life are McDonald’s and Jollibee stores that are open 24/7.

Fasting and junk food abstinence become forgotten lifestyles when people flock to burger hubs of sins.

“May I take your order?” the cashier asks, almost begging you to channel your devotion to your stomach instead.

Kids bug their parents for Chickenjoy. My bestfriend orders a big ass McFloat.

I attack a fillet of chicken/salt. This is heaven for now.

Find your way to SM Lanang to see the glory of DJ Callum

Find out that all the good seats are taken

Admire the glory of DJ Callum from the rear of the stage

Faint and be overwhelmed by his glory

Be disappointed because he doesn’t have sexy butt

Get over his glory and feel confused about what exactly is happening (he’s spinning stuff on a table and people are taking pictures of him while a confusing rhythm of music is playing in the background)

Call for a meeting with your friends

Decide where to go after seeing DJ Callum

Find a cab and command the driver to ferry you to Hybrid

Arrive in Hybrid and pay an entrance fee

Pay another entrance fee once inside the party compound

Make a WTF look at the people who bring a shot of tequila (each!) in

the crowded dance floor

Wonder why don’t they just down the shot in the tequila booth (duh)

Grab a beer and start dancing to Jessie J, One Direction, JLo, and Usher

Get tired and walk to another bar

Chug flavored beer

Attack chicharon bulaklak

Go back to Hybrid

Roll eyes at the sight of the people who can’t put their smartphones down

Wonder why the smartphone people are fiddling with their device; shouldn’t they be dancing or something?

Dance to death

Dance with strangers

Try not to punch the guy who is shoving his face in your butt

Enjoy the crazy crowd

Dance some more

Feel the ache in your feet

Join the folks who are irrationally rejoicing at the sight of a really tall guy who just walked in; as he walks, he appears to be rubbing his head against the ceiling

Flirt with some people

But don’t give them your number; unless they can write an essay on why they should have your number

Regret why you flirted with people

Dance some more

Cooperate when the DJ shouts put your hands up in the air (this ritual is extremely important to a party)

Drown in the intoxicating bass from the speakers 

Decide to go home

But buy a bottle of Gatorade first

Feel sick of drinking anything halfway through the bottle

Throw Gatorade in your friend’s face (a consensual decision with a close friend, by the way)

Get Gatorade in your eyes and complain about how it stings

Get a cab home

Throw yourself in bed and feel the ringing in your ears

Write this list

Wake up the next morning with a tagged photo of you in Facebook

Regret why you ever partied like a dork

And I chatted with Rhian Ramos too. Yey!

So kikay.

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Rhian Ramos is still a goddess even when she’s off-cam

By Jesse Pizarro Boga

She plays Dian Magayon, the diwata of all flying creatures, in GMA Network’s fantasy series Indio.

But even when she’s off cam, Rhian Ramos doesn’t stop being a goddess. She gets tired, but she doesn’t mind. “Being tired is fun,” she said during her visit to Davao last Araw ng Dabaw weekend.

She effortlessly dressed for the float parade and for the mall shows that were held after. During lunch with the city’s entertainment writers, she showed up in the glory of her asymmetrical top (with glitter accents), high waist pants, and a pair of round frame glasses.

Here, Rhian talks about beauty and style—two of the things that make her a goddess in everyday life.

Tell us about your beauty regimen.

My beauty regimen happens more at night when I remove makeup and let my skin rest. It’s when I let my skin breathe to see what’s there to fix. I get grossed out by sticky lotions and cream stuff that’s why I put them on at night when I don’t notice them when I’m sleeping.

How do you deal with the amount of makeup that is required of you by work?

It [makeup] really is a lot, as it has always been for me. That’s why I learned how to do my own make up; I found ways to make daya and apply thinner makeup whenever possible. Sometimes I can get away with no more concealer and just liquid foundation on the important areas. The rest is just powder. I do my own makeup in Indio where I play as a diwata. I apply little by little and meet the makeup requirements halfway. I only have a makeup artist whenever I’m shooting for a commercial or a magazine. I do my own makeup on parties and awards show.

How do you dress yourself on a day when work load isn’t so heavy?

I usually wear anything that’s comfortable as possible. Grungy, feminine and with a boho flair. I balance the show of skin; and I like big and shapeless tops. And I’m really a sucker for shades. I might have lost count of pairs.

What’s that thing that you wouldn’t want to be caught wearing in public?

Never say never! I like to try trends. But I don’t like leggings that stop here *points above ankles* because they’re like gym leggings. Those pairs are a trend from 80s; me and 80s don’t agree with each other.

Shoes or bags?

I do love shoes. I only have one bag that I always use: a black one in thick leather with studs at the bottom by Alexander Wang. I don’t want to have to take care of my bag. My bag should be taking care of me! My bag works for me! I put stuff in it and throw it around.

Share a style tip that girls can follow in general.

Don’t wear anything uncomfortable in the name of looking good. Trends don’t matter as long as you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing and it’s functional for you. Then you’ll end up looking good because you have that kind of confidence. You don’t want to be that girl in that party constantly fixing herself, constantly pulling her up her tube dress.

(photo from GMA corpcomm)

So I met Rafael Rosell last weekend. Idol kaayo! Details, details. Too tired to blog. haha

Just finished closing Thursday’s entertainment pages. Here’s one of the stories I wrote.

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Rafael Rosell: I’m my own Superman

By Jesse Pizarro Boga

Rafael Rosell wasn’t anything like we expected.

When he visited the city to join the Araw ng Dabaw celebrations, the Temptation of Wife star revealed a host of things we never thought would come from a glorified hunk like him.

And he owes his life in show business to his strong fascination with Superman.

“I wanted to fly like Superman,” he said. He narrated that back when he was five years old (and living in Norway), he saw Superman on TV. His curiosity piqued: why can he fly?

His mom answered him: if you believe, you can fly too—anything is possible on TV. That sparked his interest in wanting to be on TV.

And to appear on TV he did! When he went to the Philippines, he found himself “flying” in a fantasy series. He also made the souls of tons of girls (and maybe some boys) fly when he shows off his extremely sexy physique.

But his Superman body and fascination goes beyond physical. Superman is a lifestyle that he has a love-hate relationship with.

“I try as much as possible not to bring him into my life,” he said over lunch. Rafael thinks that any superhero has a tragic story. But the Superman lifestyle catches up on him: his friends come to him for help and for advice.

“My Kryptonite is chocolate, sweets and falling in love,” he answered a question shot at him. “When I’m in love, I forget about everything.”

Rafael’s been single for two years now and he appears to be enjoying every bit of it. “I forgot about everything when I was in a relationship the last time.”

Now he’s focused on work because he’s single. And he thinks that it’s a good thing. He said that he currently doesn’t have a Lois Lane. But he has a bunch of Lana Langs.

Rafael, who’s busy playing as Nigel in the GMA Network remake of Temptation of wife said that he and his character have a host of things in common: they both love Superman, they both tend to have a messianic complex, and they have both loved someone who’s had a difficult past.

(yeah yeah, I’m starstruck. Whatever. haha)

“But Nigel is a martyr,” he said. “I can’t do the things that he did.”

He then went on to describe a similar relationship he’s had with a girl in his past.

“It’s not easy,” he started. “There has to be trust and understanding and patience. And the relationship didn’t have a fairy tale ending. I didn’t pursue it because it had too much drama.”

Beyond Temptation of Wife, Rafael enjoys throwing himself around the network where he recently found home to: he had appearances in a cooking show, in a teleserye flashback, and in Party Pilipinas. We’ll be seeing him more (and shirtless please) on TV, definitely.

He describes being in GMA Network as something new; there’s a renewed excitement of being an “artista,” according to him.

He is exploring possible roles that are substantial and appeals to his “mental side.”

After all, there’s more to the hunk than just brawn: he guides himself with the philosophies of Bob Marley and Bruce Lee through books and other media collections that he has. “Other people just interpret their words as songs,” he explained. He then went on to elaborate on the current thoughts in his head (and eloquently); like a university professor. What could be hotter than that?

He enjoys hanging out with friends for good conversations; he finds it weird that he does that for a breather. Rafael has stopped going to bars and taking in alcohol. He’s officially the hottest guy in the universe; Superman cape and dorky leggings are optional.

(with photos from GMA corpcomm)

Once upon a time, I ate brunch with a demi-god in Bistro Selera.

I don’t remember much because I died when I saw that this was what we were going to eat

With this

That’s crispy chicken patata and paella. These probably came from heavens above because they were really overwhelming. And I could tell the food was divine and spiritual; I died right? I had the sixth sense.

I came back to life seconds after my death to attack the food. The chicken wasn’t kidding when it said that it was crispy. The paella wasn’t kidding when it said it was…paella-ey.

And while my mouth was having a party, I didn’t know that the kitchen was already organizing an after-party: dessert.

It’s choc-nut ice cream with sago.

I remember this as the dessert that I can eat for all eternity.

I’ve never been to 7th heaven but that dessert tells me that it’s from there: creamy ice cream with hints of choc-nut, and holy chewy sago created by angels themselves (don’t ask me how or where they get these from).

That was some divine brunch.

I’m going back to Bistro Selera again. Because it’s heaven there. Because it’s a home-grown Davao restaurant. Because the service is amazing. Because the restaurant is cozy and all that blah. Because they serve a host of other comfort food that Jesus probably would want everyone to eat (bacon-wrapped bagaybay, anyone?). Because they have free WiFi.

Details, details. I just want more of their paella.

(Bistro Selera is located in the 2nd floor, fountain side, of SM Lanang Premiere. LIKE Bistro Selera in Facebook because you can’t go to heaven if you don’t. Reservations are highly encouraged; contact details in their page.)

“Nice game,” the slightly handsome dude called from the other side of the improvised Tekken machine. He said that after he avenged himself because I beat his sorry Dragunov/Bryan team in our first match.

I did not respond.

Instead, I gave him a condescending look because I know that Lili would do the same if she was beaten too.

“No, slightly handsome dude,” I thought. “That wasn’t a nice game.”

And I don’t want to be your friend because you’re slightly handsome.

I have a theory that the intensity of being starstruck is directly proportional to proximity: the nearer you are to a celebrity, the more dumbfounded you will be.

Such was the case with Friday night’s dinner presscon with a TV network’s pack of teleserye celebrities.

Dingdong Dantes was one of the people lined up for an interview.

I was seated next to him in our dinner table.

This photo shows his shoes and my crappy looking Native; it was raining to death and I didn’t risk walking on spongy wet Converse.

I normally don’t get starstruck anymore. But I was three inches away from him. I could see the pores of his face. Dingdong was really handsome; he’s like a wax figure. I swear I could encase him in a glass for a museum.

That probably explains why I found it a little too hard to dish out the questions that I’ve already asked Kristoffer Martin whom we talked to earlier.

So, yeah. Hello Dingdong. Don’t confuse an herb with the art of paper folding.

I was stuck in my room earlier today.

It was one of those lazy moments in my life when I get caught up in a vicious cycle of waking up late, feeling both hungry and sleepy.

Should I get up to eat? Should I screw food and just go back to sleep?

After taking a bath, I got tangled in my bed again. I needed to go out to eat.

But I had to put on good pants to go out.

But I was too hungry to put on my pants.

And so I starved. To death. Almost.

That explains how I was irrationally stuck in one corner earlier today.

But I’m okay now. I ate a late lunch—balbacua.

Balbacua, ladies and gentlemen, is the ultimate life source of the entire human race.

I don’t need a fancy food photo to prove that.

I’ve had quite a work out last Tuesday.

I only had three hours of sleep but I still mustered the courage to wake up at 5 to drive my Lola to wherever she wanted to go early that day.

I went back home after finishing the task; I had to steal at least an hour of sleep.

And then it was time for to pretend to get a life, again.

I went to Havaianas’ annual Davao media gathering called Obrigado. It was where I ate two plates of an organic strawberry shortcake with impunity.

While in SM Lanang, I decided to give into my petty life problem that involved searching for the perfect pair of shoes.

I wanted to get rid of this pair that I bought last Sunday because the colors are too tacky; and I felt like I only bought it on impulse because of the 3-day sale (I later learned that Fila was having their own sale until the 16th).

A quick inquiry in the department store’s customer service confirmed my hunch about inter-store item exchanges: I can have my shoes exchanged in SM City Davao in Ecoland.

The style that I wanted didn’t have my size in Lanang.

So I drove to Ecoland for the exchange; my plan was genius. That was when the madness started.

Apparently, I didn’t ask enough questions when I was in Lanang; I missed some details.

When I reached Ecoland, I found out that inter-branch item exchanges do not allow returns of an item for a different type/style; they only allow returns for size exchanges.

I was crushed. I swear to God I was already planning on schemes to convince the department store manager: I would cry. Seriously.

It took some time to resolve the biggest problem of my universe.

The solution was to drive back to Lanang to exchange my current shoes to the design I wanted (but of a different size), and then have that shoe exchanged with my desired size in Ecoland.

The whole thing was confusing and was of less importance.

But I did it anyway.

From Ecoland, I went to Lanang. Then I went back to Ecoland.

By then I was already sick of air con, long rides, long drives, the traffic light, and the whole of humanity.

I just wanted my shoes.

And I did get what I wanted—after a total of three crazy hours of driving and waiting and pretending to be cute and talking to customer service and store managers.

It’s all worth it.

I now have the most handsome running shoes in the world (and I got them at a steal price).

There’s a bunch of good people I want to thank in the SM department store; I’m too lazy to mention them but I’m sure they have already been rewarded by the universe.

Now let the real workout begin.

Ten years ago (like, literally ten years ago), when I was in grade school, my Lola bought me a pair of Fila shoes for my daily life of pretending to be smart and then being bullied in a Christian school whatever (that’s an entirely different story).

Looking back, I realize how awesome life can be when people buy you shoes (now I just buy them myself thank you very much I wear size 8 in US po).

I don’t know where that teeny tiny pair of shoes has gone now but I still have the shoebox (I know right?) in the room next to where I sleep.

Anyway, Fila.

That pair of shoes wasn’t anything special. What particularly annoyed me were those moments when my classmates would notice it and ask me “Look, Fila shoes. Tag-Fila na?”

*the word “pila” in Cebuano/Bisaya loosely translates to cost/value; as in tag-pila (how much/ikura desu ka, bitch?).

Of course, they didn’t speak in English because they were dumb as hell; that was made pretty obvious with how they stupidly attempted at a pun.

Tag-Fila? Seriously? You can’t do any better than that?

Tag-Fila is sounds devoid of creativity and intellect. It is reeking of failure in terms of linguistic chorvaness. But who am I to judge? I am only pretending to be smart.

All these memories of grade school shit came back to me after my sister (gasp!) asked me the same question when I bought this pair of shoes in SM Lanang last Sunday.

It was on sale and I thought that it would be total madness if I just let a 60% discount get away.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, demonstrates how handsome shoes trigger old memories.

Old, shitty memories.

P.S.: I remember my classmate Clint ask me that Fila question before. He was one of the guys who bullied me back then. He’s dead. I don’t know how or when he died; it’s just that he’s dead. May his soul RIP.

I am too crazy to mention that.