planet crap

Hello Internetz. Did you miss me, the center of the universe?

I wish you did, because I have tons of stories to tell—most of them are about how I’m constantly plagued by a host of things: paranoia, heartbreak, proximity infatuation, and hyperthinking.

Paranoia, because I can’t get my Slush Mug to work

I’ve been desperately trying to slushify a cold glass of Milo but I only get cold, wet, unslushified Milo.

And that’s just sad. There’s something wrong with the things around me and I can’t find a solution to get them fixed.

And that’s also sad.

I’m also mad at the universe for giving me an unimaginable heartbreak. Like this one

My 2010 Make Your Havaianas pair is dead. This makes me sad. The pair that’s walked me from Mintal’s Abortion Road to Chiang Mai’s Ratchadamnoen Road is dead. Another nail in Havaianas’ coffin.

Note: wala jud ko nagbaktas gikan Mintal padulong Thailand; pagsure oi!

To make things worse, fate is playing with my heart. Karla told me I’m suffering (not that it’s a deadly disease or whatever) from proximity infatuation; that crazy, awkward feeling when you always think that your crush is around.

I can’t help myself. Cafe France is only blocks away from where I live and I’m insanely infatuated with this fancy breakfast tray.

So, yes, I’m always disturbed. I swear I’m so in love with this tray I could fuck it. Just kidding.

Finally, I’m hyperthinking because I’m drowning in the idea that all of these are happening.

But in reality, something greater is consuming me and it doesn’t necessarily involve breakfast trays, plastic mugs, and rubber flip-flops.

The people I’ve come across this lifetime are giving me mental burden so unimaginable that it’s causing me wrinkles and pimples. Seriousfuckingly.

And so I appeal to the universe, stop being such a bitch. Give me what I want and stop making me look like a dork worse that I already am.

Seriously, what’s wrong with this world?! No matter how hard I try not to be a dork in all ways possible, I still end up looking like one.

I guess I was too busy playing Zombie Tsunami when God was giving brains (and lust-worthy brawn).

Plants vs. Zombies is soo yesterday.